Directionally Challenged

I have always been very aware of my surroundings. It could be that my parents always taught me know where I am at all times in case someone tries to steal me or otherwise brutalize me in any form. Thankfully, I never had to use my navigational skills in that capacity, but I did retain that grounded feeling of always having my bearings in no time flat. New York, Dublin, and Atlanta are all very familiar places to me. I went out in a rickshaw in Mumbai by myself when I was 17 and didn't feel at all worried, and I always knew where my hotel was in relation to where I was. I think I have made my point.

However, when it comes to the direction that I want my life to go, the directions elude me. Mark and I have been talking a lot about this aimlessness I sometimes possess because it gets more complicated when your muffled directions cause another person's pristine guide to their life to become not so clear. Since Mark and I are going to Hollins University for the summer, he suggested that I enroll in some creative writing classes. Hollins is one of the best creative writing programs in the nation (or the world, as Mark says), so I would probably get a lot out of it. The best part is that the application process is very much portfolio based, which is good for me because my GPA and my GRE scores indicate that I have a mental handicap. So, if I want to be considered for the program (whether it be creative writing, children's literature, playwriting, or screenwriting), I have to have a banging portfolio.

This leads to the problem: my portfolio stinks. I haven't written anything worth looking at a second time since, well, forever. Specifically, it has been at least a year since I have written anything in any sort of structured or peer-reviewed atmosphere. I have a perfect opportunity to write and get feedback from excellent writers and well-read academic critical thinkers with my blog, but I am afraid of the people I truly care about on this planet thinking that I have no talent. But, this is an opportunity to produce writing (which is what I want to do) and get feedback, and I have the motivation of a graduate school application deadline (January 6 for creative writing and February 15 for all the others).

So, I am going to start posting poems, prose, non-fiction and sometimes self-deprecating works. I am working on a poem that borders on children's literature, but I just got too scared to post it yet. Maybe tomorrow.

What makes an executive producer?

Let me give some background information to this post. Mark is making his first documentary on Dub Taylor, a prolific Western actor who is not known by his name, but is known by his face and laugh. Ever since we reconnected in April, he has been making connections and doing the groundwork for a successful documentary.

Shortly after we started dating officially in July, I was able to go with him and his "executive producer," James, to an interview with Dixie Carter and Buck Taylor. I was his rock, his one source of sanity throughout the trip because everyone else was annoying at times.

The next time he set up an interview in Augusta, I dutifully went with him on two separate occasions and charmed the pants off of a handful of old cowboys. Could Mark have done that by himself? I think not.

Then, I provided resources for Mark to interview David Zucker when he came to Savannah. Sure, "James the executive producer" went with him and provided a camera for B-roll footage, but I gave Mark directions and we all know how priceless good directions are for Mark.

However, where was James when Mark set up an interview with Bobby Copeland, a western writer? Not in Oak Ridge, TN (home of the nuclear bomb). I was up at 6:30 a.m. on a Saturday, on the first day of my period with cramps that would crush a watermelon, feeding Tylenol Sinus to Mark and Midol to myself and driving all the way home in the middle of the night. That, my friends, is dedication.

I thought it was time to negotiate an executive producer credit after all of this hard work, but Mark said that executive producers give $2000 to the project. Where is James's $2000? I think that if we totalled up all of the love and support and time I have INVESTED in this project, there would be more than enough to suffice the requirements needed to be an executive producer.

Totally Unrelated to All Things Wedding

I have really enjoyed my survey classes of British and American Lit. I just wanted to share some of my favorites that I have been reading lately.

This Is Just To Say
by William Carlos Williams

I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox

and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast

Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold

In a Station of the Metro
by Ezra Pound

The apparition of these faces in the crowd;
Petals on a wet, black bough.

Leda and the Swan
by W. B. Yeats

A sudden blow: the great wings beating still
Above the staggering girl, her thighs caressed
By the dark webs, her nape caught in his bill,
He holds her helpless breast upon his breast.

How can those terrified vague fingers push
The feathered glory from her loosening thighs?
And how can body, laid in that white rush,
But feel the strange heart beating where it lies?

A shudder in the loins engenders there
The broken wall, the burning roof and tower
And Agamemnon dead.

Being so caught up,
So mastered by the brute blood of the air,
Did she put on his knowledge with his power
Before the indifferent beak could let her drop?

The Red Wheelbarrow
by William Carlos Williams

so much depends
upon
a red wheel
barrow

glazed with rain
water

beside the white
chickens.

A Kink in the Plan

Bad news, ladies. I looked at the dress that is shown below for the bridesmaid dress in person, and it looks ghetto. There is a mesh overlay on the dress. Not cute, wispy mesh; stretchy eighties mesh. So, I found some alternatives. We still have a couple of months, so we can keep looking if these don't suit your fancy.

Step Four (Getting Annoyed with the Title Yet?)

I don't have a photo with this post because I just bought my wedding gown last night. The dress had been discontinued the week before, so I grabbed it because it was my perfect size (without needing alterations) and now it is in an undisclosed location. Okay, it's at Mom's. It's gorgeous and I am happy with it. The best part is that I got it 65% off of the original price. Am I a bargain shopper or what?

Another thing is that I am not sure if we should do the carriage thing because it will be hot and we might all smell like horse butt. I could be distracted because I have a keen sense of smell. Instead, I might get a room in a bed and breakfast right in front of the wedding site so that I can watch how the set-up is progressing, and then everybody can get ready there and just walk across the street. What do you think about that?

Step Three

Here are a couple of pictures that I found of bouquets that I liked. The first one would be mine, with a variation. I would want green hydrangeas instead of the green flower shown in the photo. The second picture is the blue hydrangea bouquet I want the bridesmaids to have.

Also, I have a website on theknot.com that is pretty ghetto now because I haven't done a lot to it yet, but I will try to continue to update it as best as I can. If you have time, you can go look at it.

http://weddings.theknot.com/pwp/view/co_main.aspx?coupleid=3294284493412050

Step Two

We have picked the location for the wedding and the time. The wedding will be held at 2:30 p.m., June 2,2007 at Forsyth Park. I paid for the location today. I think that we are moving along nicely with the wedding plans. I have found a wedding planner and I am going to meet with her on Wednesday and have possibly found a photographer. Keep your fingers crossed! I also made an appointment to go to a secret bridal gown shop in Savannah on Saturday. Hopefully I will find a dress that is not a fortune and makes me want to take pictures in it. I am starting to get excited about the ceremony! (I have always been excited about the marriage part...I hope that goes without saying.)

Step One (with many more to come)

PREFACE: You know that feeling of frustration and hopelessness when you obssess about something that you have no ultimate control over? That is the surprising feeling that I have about this wedding. Of course I am happy about the MARRIAGE part of it, but the wedding, not so much. I know that when I arrive there on that day, it will be beautiful, but I am so frustrated. Okay, I know, poor me, I am getting married, I am so destitute, blah, blah, blah. Seriously, it is pretty hard to pull this thing together. The hardest parts are not knowing what to choose. I didn't grow up knowing exactly where I wanted to get married and how it was going to look like. I think it has evolved so much that now I am confused.

MAIN POINT: Here is the only thing that is (tenatively) agreed upon: the bridesmaid's dress. I wanted a chocolate brown, tea length dress that could be worn again and that wasn't very expensive. I think that this is a lovely choice.