The Impossible Dream

I was always told that when you dream about being pregnant, it means there is a new idea forming inside of your mind. It never means that you are actually pregnant. So when I dreamed I was pregnant about a month ago, I thought nothing of it. I dreamt that my cousin Melanie, who is currently pregnant, was talking to some of my other family members, and I came out of the bathroom really excited and told her that I was pregnant too. We were happy that we were going to be pregnant together. I woke up and found that dream to be really funny, commenting to Mark that I would have to get pregnant soon to make that dream real, since Melanie was due in November. Little did I know I was already three weeks pregnant.

A week or so after that, I dreamt that I was in a delivery room, but I wasn't the one having a baby. I looked up at the hospital bed and saw Kirsten screaming at the doctor, who was standing in the doorway, refusing to let anyone get close to her. I decided to take charge of the situation and took the doctor's position and demanded that she push. Jon was still at work, so I called him and told him to get to the hospital as quickly as possible. He didn't want to leave work, but I forced him to leave. I cleaned up the baby and he was so darling. He had dark eyes, dark hair, big cheeks, and a big toothless smile. When I woke up, I felt like I had saved the day.

A few days ago, Micah called me and told me that she dreamt about my baby. She told me that it was going to be a boy, and it was going to have brown hair, brown eyes, and big cheeks with a big toothless smile. Apparently, the baby is going to look just like me since Mark has red hair and green eyes!

The last dream that I had was last night, which was the most vivid pregnancy dream I have had. I had nightmares all night long because Mark made me watch a Werner Herzog documentary about a man that was a prisoner of war during Vietnam. The one that shook me up the worst was actually not a nightmare. I was at a Huddle House with my dad. He wanted me to meet a woman that he met. She was not very lady-like, kind of rough around the edges, so I tried to show my disapproval by making bad faces at my Dad. He didn't say anything about my response, but kept looking at his menu. I tried to figure out what would not make me throw up in there, and I realized that I had not told my dad about my pregnancy. I looked up at him and said, "Dad, I forgot to tell you, but Mark and I are having a baby. I am two months pregnant and we are having a little boy." He looked so excited and touched my belly. He looked up at me and told me that he was so happy for me. We went back to my house and Mark asked me why I had bought alot of dried leaves, and I told him that I had a blank canvas and I was going to paint a picture. When I looked back at the canvas, my dad was walking away from it and he had painted a mountain next to a beach and in the corner was a bird about to take off in flight. I never saw my dad again, but as I looked closer at the bird, it was more like a bobcat with large wings, and I thought to myself that I would have not painted that because it looked too masculine. I woke up feeling so sad because I was happy that I was around my Dad, but it didn't really happen. I cried myself to sleep.

I don't know why my dreams have been so vivid since I have been pregnant, but it probably has to do with hormone changes and the fact that Mark and I are going through a huge transition right now. It is pretty amazing how much dreams can affect us and how much they can provide a feeling of resolution, when that feeling is impossible to have in our real life.

Whoa, Whoa Here She Comes...She's a Maneater

Today marks my seventh week of pregnancy, which is roughly half-way through my first trimester. I have realized that I don't feel "pregnant," unless by pregnant I mean extremely nauseous, irritable, out of breath, flabby, bloated, weak, and possess the ability to belch like a man. This might sound precious to the breed of women that long to have a being growing inside of them, who feel that the sacrifice is worth the outcome, or the kind of women who tried for a really long time to have a baby, and they feel that it is worth the inconvenience.

I am neither of those women. I try to embrace the earth mother/mother nature image, and I used to think that I would become one of those women who bathed in the bliss of gestation, but I do not and I will not. I am not jolly.

Mark says that I look at him as if I hate him, and that I pull away when he tries to touch me. The mix of irritability with pain is not a very good combination for a marriage, especially a new marriage. I know that, but cannot do anything about the situation. If I were in this much pain normally I would go to the emergency room, but the nurses just laugh and say that this pain is normal. I have six types of snacks in my drawer at work and have to eat about every thirty minutes or I feel nauseated and get horrible heartburn. I am worried because I know I am going to blow up like a balloon, but I can't stop eating. Needless to say, this is not a good day. The nurse told me that I should feel like myself in seven weeks. I am counting down. I will give an update then. That promise is the only thing that makes me feel better.

And, for the record, I would just like to say that I was tricked about the nature of pregnancy. My two cousins that recently went through their first trimester of pregnancy were not nauseated at all. That is not fair, even though one of them had more serious complications that were way more serious than my situation. But still.

Also, if you read this and sense a touch of a mood swing, I will give you that because my hormones are way out of whack. I have hot flashes and then bouts of bitter cold within a few minutes and all of my symptoms are a reaction to the progesterone that is running through my body. I get it, but I don't feel any better.

Battle of the Swatches

The first two swatches are the same pattern, just different colors. If I knew I was having a girl, I would go with the brown and pink because it is a little feminine. The last one is a closeup of the African pattern. What do you think?

Red and Wild is Your Theme!

I have found a few really cute bedding sets for the baby and I want to get everyone's opinion. Please keep in mind that I don't want to know the gender of the baby and I don't love overly gender-specific themes.

This first bedding set is from JC Penney and is called Waverly Baby Toile.

This is a close-up of the swatch of the bedding above. It has toile, polka dots, stripes, and solids.
This is called Tadpoles "Sofet as Pashmina" Neutral from Target.

This is called African Plains from Burlington Coat Factory's Baby Depot. It has a vintage feel.

I tried to get a close-up on the animals from the previous picture, but it is still hard to see!

This is called Ashbury by Banana Fish. It is really cute, but a lot more expensive than the others.

So, here are the ones that I have found so far. Tell me what you think!