Tuesday, June 03, 2008
The Old Me
When I was pregnant, I was the freakin' Zen Master. You could slap me in the face, and I wouldn't get upset. I felt dead inside and I must say that it felt really peaceful. However, lately I have started regaining my old feelings of frustration, anger and rage thanks to my new birth control. I never have done well on birth control, but I am serious about sticking to it now that I know that I am a fertile myrtle, regardless of the consequences. To illustrate the difference, before I had Ben I was at home one afternoon when a realtor came barging into my house without knocking and I didn't pull my gun on her or report her to her broker for being a rude piece of trash. Since taking birth control, I had a nervous breakdown when Mark didn't hook in the car seat correctly so Mom and Mr. Jerry loaned us their car until we move away from Roanoke. When Mark asked me to turn off the fan while still in bed, I replied by screaming, "Who do you think you are?" and continued my walk into the kitchen to fix a bottle. The last adjectives that have been used to describe me have been "ruthless" and "mean." I can't help it, but I can't stop the birth control. It isn't always pleasant to be fertile.
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2 comments:
I laughed so hard at "Who do you think you are?" I'm sure many elements are playing into your frustration and rage: lack of sleep, stress, bc, and the biggie, HAVING AN INFANT!
Maybe once you move out of VA and settle down somehwere, you'll feel better. It's a very stressful time for you right now.
I'm the opposite of you. I become a monster if I'm not on any kind of meds. For some reason, I thought it best (and I still do though I don't know why) to get off everything and stay off. My ankles are still fluffy and so's everything else. Maybe this isn't the wisest decision I've ever made....
I, too, love the "Who do you think you are!?" I have to say that I used to be like that--ask Kirsten--and I now love my new medicine. Though I've never had a baby, I can feel your pain. Sort of. :0)
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