Sometimes when it feels like everything is going wrong, I think to myself, "What else could possibly happen?" I caught myself a couple of days ago when I thought that very same question, because I didn't want to know the answer.
I tried to change my name today, only to realize that I now have three legal names on record. My maiden name, my new hyphenated last name, and my first name with "L" and Mark's last name is another. The only thing I can do about it now is first publish the name I want in a newspaper ($80), then go to the superior court and petition for a new name on court documents ($75), then change my marriage license, then change my driver's license ($20). In the petition to the superior court, I have to explain why I want to change my name. I shouldn't have to defend why I want my own name that I have had my entire life. It is ridiculous that I have to go through all that trouble just because I don't want to drop my middle and last name. It's my name, for goodness sake. I should be able to change it to whatever I want. It makes me question just how "progressive" America really is when people say things like, "Just take your husband's name and don't make a big deal about it," or "Does it matter that much to you?" Of course it matters that much to me! What else do you have if you can't even have control over your own name!
So, I plan on putting an ad in the paper. If I have to, I will put it on the front page and it will say, "I am paying $175 just so I can keep my name. It does matter to me, I will make a big deal about it, and if this isn't a patriarchal society, then I don't know what is."
Thank goodness for my feminist husband, because most men would be offended if their new bride was going to make this much of a deal about their name. However, it does beg the question of the purpose for taking such offense to this gesture. I understand that men feel like it is a gift that they are giving to choose one person to have their name, and it makes it alot easier with paperwork and other things, but what's the big deal? I don't understand why there has to be so little choice in our society when it comes to a woman's name. I like my name, I understand that I will always carry a man's name (whether it be my father's or my husband's) but at least it is mine, and it is not a bad thing to want to protect it.
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3 comments:
A good friend of mine, Phoebe, had problems with this as well. I believe she changed her name to Consuela Bannanahammock.
I was thinking the same thing about society this week, but not concerning the use of surnames. I was thinking how some things have changed and some have stayed the same, but we don't notice or do anything until it affects us personally.
Kirsten went through the same thing when we got married. I think it had more to do with her not liking my last name. I think Mullis is a strong name of vague origin.
In conclusion, fight the good fight sista. Change your name to Consuela Bannanahammock if you should like.
Although I eventually put my wife in place, I find it quaint in other women.
Jonathan Gilliam (Kirsten's Husband)
I know what you mean. I put off legally changing my name for 3 years. It just felt strange. I didn't want to "be" someone else. I guess the three years was what I need to get used to it though; now I'm Kirsten Marie Gilliam Mullis. It is stupid that you have to go through so much to keep a name.
This is the first time since my divorce that I have had to use the last name "Taylor." Everything is under "Ferrell," but for some reason the school has me as Alicia Ferrell-Taylor. Everyone calls me Ms. Taylor and it really gripes my butt. How do I change it now?
When I think about the importance of names, I always think about the scene from The Crucible, When Daniel Day-Lewis yells, "Because it is my name! Because I cannot have another in my life! Because I lie and sign myself to lies!" I guess it shows the importance of a name.
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