In a couple of hours, I will be speaking at my father's funeral. I wrote out the words last night, and I would like to share them before I go.
On Sunday, I saw the most beautiful example of a Christian than I had ever seen. It originated not in a church, but in a hospital and not from a theological scholar, but from one of the most suspect people you could imagine - my dad. A few years ago, my dad and I had a sort of a falling out. Through the last couple of years, he had made attempts to communicate with me, but I thought that the fight was too damaging to repair. A few months ago, I started praying that God would teach me true compassion, the kind that Jesus has for us sinners. Without me knowing, around the same time my dad found out that one of my most missed memories was riding my horse, Diablo. He started going through all of his old home videos and put together a tape of special times we shared. He had planned on sending it to me, but he got really weak and had another heart attack.
Melody called Teri and told her that Dad was in the hospital, and when she called me at 11:30 p.m., Saturday night, I knew I had to go. We were on a plane six hours later. When we got to the hospital, we waited to see him in the ICU unit. When we came in, Daddy's eyes got so big around, and he reached out to me. He wrapped his strong hand around mine and said, "You shouldn't have spent all the money and trouble to get here, and I know I don't deserve it, but I am very grateful." My last conversation with my dad consisted of chapstick, horses, hog hunting, and how sorry he was for all the things he had done. He was really sad that he had not made up with his other loved ones, but he was so proud to have all of his girls around him.
It is almost poetic how his passing resulted from his heart growing too big. His emotional conversation with Teri and I was so uncharacteristic, and he kept setting off the heart monitors every time he would talk, but the burden on his heart was lifted so that he could finally have some peace. His undeserving appreciation and repentance showed me how a Christian should behave and how I, as a Christian, should forgive. Forgiveness is the only path to freedom, and I will always be grateful that my Daddy took on that burden for me, so I could learn that lesson.
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3 comments:
Wow, Kasey. Goosebumps and tears. That was my reaction.
Again, I just want you to know that I'm thinking about you. Especially today.
Beautiful.
Thank you both. A lot. It was really hard to get through this past week, but I am glad that I did it. I also sang the 23rd psalm, "The Lord is My Shepherd," after the speech. Everybody came up to me afterward and said that they were really surprised that I could get through the song after my speech. My daddy would have liked the whole service. My sister stood up and told silly stories about him. A lot of people said that they didn't really know him before they came to the funeral, but afterwards they felt like they really knew him. I think that is what made it fulfilling for me.
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