Feeling Better

I realize that most of the time that I write about my sadness and melancholy, so today I want to make a point to write about the good stuff going on in my life. Admittedly, I have not been myself for the past few weeks, and I would say that grief is as good a reason as any, but now I am starting to reclaim my objective point of view and see just how many blessings came out of my loss.

I realize now that God softens the severity of death with hope and life. Here are some really great things going on in my life.

1. My cousin and childhood best friend just told me that she is having a baby. I am so thrilled that there is going to be a new baby in the family I can hardly stand it. My sister, Kirsten, and I sat at lunch the other day picking out baby names for her.

2. I only have six weeks of school left before I graduate with my Bachelor's degree. Yes, I know that I am mentally exhausted like I said in my last post, but six weeks isn't half bad. I think I can handle it.

3. My father's passing helped me realize that fear has no place in my life. I cannot be afraid to try things that I want to do and I can't listen to those who tell me not to do something because of their fear. It feels so great to be able to reject other people's fear.

4. The most important blessing that came from my sorrow was the realization that Mark is definitely the love of my life. As I looked up at him through tear-stained eyes, through all of my wailing and anger and aloofness, Mark stayed close to my side. He embraced my family, he held them and me when we couldn't stand, he listened when I screamed that it wasn't fair that I had to go through this pain, he made me laugh when I thought I could never laugh again. He worried that my family wouldn't accept him, even though they all adore him, but after all of the days he sacrificed to be with me, I would have married him if he were the most wicked person on the planet (thankfully, he is one of the most compassionate, law-abiding citizens I know).

Now, I have nothing else to look forward to but celebration after celebration. I get to meet Mark's extended family for Thanksgiving, Kirsten and I are graduating, Christmas is coming up, a baby is coming into this world, and Mark and I are working out all of the details in merging our lives together permanently (more details to come later). I am thankful for all of the encouragement and thoughts and prayers. I have really felt them these last few weeks.