The Problem with Seafoam Green

Brides say that the day of their wedding is "their day" because this is the only time that they are totally in control of every aspect of an event. The bride's expectation is for everybody to be exstatic about an event that they did not have any say about, show up to every "pre-show" event planned, spend a lot of money, and act maniacally happy for the entire engagement. Most of the bride's female friends and family members are happy to oblige, but where does this situation leave the groom? If he is caring and supportive, he will listen dutifully for hours about grograin ribbon and hydrangeas without ever saying how much he could really care less. If he is brave or completely naive, he will try to inject his opinion about how things should look on this holiest of days. Either the bride will smile sweetly and pretend to enjoy his input, or will completely shoot down the entirety of his contribution. Either way, none of his ideas will go into the final draft of the wedding day plans.

She will speak of nothing else but chiffon, seafoam green, the accommodations of the Sandals resort, her wedding band from Cartier, the limo she rented, and the blenders that are pouring in from all around the globe. While the groom wades through the ocean of fabric samples and wrapping paper, he has lost his best friend, who is now completely enthralled with everything bridal, and he feels like he will lose his independence or his male identity altogether, and is staring in the face of a humongeous price tag that will be waiting on him and his bride when they get back from their honeymoom.

Here is the catch: This groom will call up all of his unmarried guy friends and report this logic-defying new lifestyle to them. They will listen very closely and gasp at the horror that has overtaken his once rational girlfriend and turned her into a distant, shallow, obsessive person who starts to care little about him and much about other people. These single friends will leave him that night and walk home, secretly vowing to never let that happen to them.

Women wonder why men do not want to commit. They view them as selfish jerks when they resist getting engaged and roll their eyes when their boyfriends share their concerns of things changing. "What could possibly change?" their girlfriends ask. "We are practically married already," they would say. However, they both know that once that diamond is put on her finger, she will be so engrossed in this facade of a perfect wedding that everything will change. Their fiance might develop some sort of resentment when he feels like he was tricked or pressured into this less-than-ideal situation, and their relationship could suffer.

What is the alternative? It is hard to say, but looking at the wedding objectively is the first clue to smoothly transitioning from dating to marriage. Women should realize that the only way that they are going to prevent alienation from their fiance and the relationship altogether is to not obsess about any one thing, especially a glorified party. Set a budget, plan it, get help if you need it, but see it for what it is. This ceremony should not take away from your relationship, but enhance it. Realize that the feelings your future husband have are way more important than a shade of peach or the car you leave the church in. If all women would take this point of view, then men would start warming up to this idea of upcoming nuptials. Who knows? They might ask you to show them what you have planned, and may possibly even get a little excited too. As long as the two of you focus on the committment, not a party, your relationship should flourish.