There are a few things on my mind this week that have been bothering me so much that I can't concentrate. Instead of hashing out the deep, psychological meanings for these problems (I have already done that, so I don't feel the need to share them) I will just list the main points.
1. I worry that I am not motivated to complete the nine months of school that I have to complete to graduate. This should sound ridiculous to most people because the mysterious "second wind" usually kicks in for most seniors. However, this motivation continues to elude me. This feeling of quitting intensifies after midterm, so currently I feel panicked.
2. I worry that I am not prepared for adulthood. This includes financially prepared, organizationally prepared, romantically prepared, responsibly prepared, etc. Basically, I feel like my life is not structured, which suits me for now because I hate structure. However, every "adult" that I know has a very regimented schedule. I feel like I am not an adult, so people do not treat me as an adult.
3. I worry that I am not going to find a job that pays enough in Savannah, so I might have to move and I will be alone. Being alone used to not worry me, but now I am terrified of being alone. I would not know how to make friends away from school.
I am aware that this sounds paranoid and neurotic. I know everything will work itself out, but I still worry.
2 comments:
Kasey, your worries are normal. I went, and still go at times, through the same thing. The fear of the unknown is enough to paralyze us all. Just finish, I promise you will never regret it, and let the future work itself out. With your sparkling personality, you will be successful in whatever you do.
I don't feel like an adult either. It may seem like people have their lives in order, but trust me, no one (or very few) people do. To be honest, I don't know anyone who does (but I'm sure they're out there somewhere).
As to moving elsewhere for a job, don't fret. You'll make friends. Find a good church and get involved. Get involved with clubs around the community (book club, animal clubs, etc.). You'll be fab in whatever you do. If all else fails, there are plenty of opportunities at SCAD. They pay pretty decent.
Maybe you could find a job in St. Mary's. Hmmm...
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